Hunger Pangs

There are many of us who thank their lucky stars that the RAF always makes sure that Her Majesty’s airmen and airwomen are properly and sufficiently fed in order to carry out all tasks safely and efficiently. I’m one of them and throughout my time in blue, food was a constant and supportive companion. After all, one has to work hard and diligently to ensure breakfast, lunch and dinner are not wasted and the cook’s best efforts are appreciated. Now that is the last you’ll hear of the Sales and Marketing pitch for now.

The day after my birthday in 1977, during the late evening of the 17th of January (as it is every year - hint, hint), I was told that Vulcan XM600 belonging to 101 Squadron had ‘gone in’ and I was to gather together a party of our chaps on 44 (R) Squadron to guard the remains until the investigation team turned up. There were no casualties thank heavens, all the crew had escaped safely so it was just metal bits we had to worry about. Myself and my merry men arrived at the scene, it was pitch black and foggy. Great mirth, whilst several MoD-style tents from what I thought was the Army’s WW2 North Africa campaign rejects, totally evaporated when I announced that most likely breakfast would be late, if at all. Eager to avoid a nasty incident due to starving troops, I contacted Waddington main guardroom by a circuitous route involving a nearby farmhouse, OC Ops and someone whom I misdialled but who kindly offered to help anyway! “Get some cooks and food out here soonest or there will be mutiny amongst the ranks and I won’t be able to stop it due to not being armed” - was the gist of it. In very short form (ie 6hrs) a vehicle arrived and discharged cooks various with assorted ephemera, and who commandeered two of our accommodation tents. I selfishly declared one tent as my HQ though, being in close proximity to food seemed a good idea at the time. All hail to those marvellous cook guys who supported us with constant food, drink (non-alcoholic) and warmth in a remote field in Lincolnshire. They took a perverse delight in demonstrating their culinary skills, bless them; henceforth I’m sure the whole team put on 10 lbs each!

Back at base later, all that was forgotten as Squadron life carried on at pace, as always. As Avionics, I was not overtaxed carrying out “Man C” composite pre-flight servicing and inspections of the mighty Vulcan and it was the custom that the early shift Avionics would borrow the Land Rover, visit the Airman’s Mess, take breakfast and make sandwiches to take back to those greasy guys carrying out the hard work of pre-flight servicing the beast(s). That’s what squadrons do isn’t it? Now those who have served will certainly know that Her Majesty does not, in any circumstances allow food to be taken from a mess without written permission. This is so that food does not “disappear” and the ration recording remains totally correct and in order. In short, it is against Queen’s Regulations to remove food from any mess. However, having enjoyed a leisurely Full English and then acquired a loaf of bread, a pile of bacon and sausage (no black pudding though) to refill my plate, I commenced building sandwiches for the hard workers of the Squadron. It is the custom also, that the Station Duty Officer (SDO) should occasionally visit the Airman’s Mess and ask those eating if the food was satisfactory and were there any complaints?

That gave me an immediate concern as I now had a full stomach and directly in front of me was a full bread-loaf pack of neatly prepared bacon and sausage sandwiches with brown and tomato sauce.

The SDO approached my table, as the mess wasn’t too busy at 0700 and, looking at what was in front of me, asked if I had enjoyed my breakfast and was I about to enjoy seconds? I there and then was obliged to consume a whole breakfast sandwich pack for the day shift or risk Court Martial. I ate the lot whilst he looked on in amazement, sipping a cup of tea. I guess he was an ex-ranker who knew the game and would dine out on the story of how he watched a starving Avionics guy with an immense appetite for years to come!

The day shift almost lynched me and I never got to do the breakfast run again although I did offer, shame